In spite of the poetic tendencies, raucous laughter, and sporadic silliness (complete with accents, characters, and embarrassing jingles) that I am known for among close friends.....all-too-often, I find myself viewing the world through darker lenses. For better or for worse, I am deeply attuned to the grief, pain and suffering the world around me. On a good day, I feel this is a gift, and I keep lifting it up to God, asking for his mercy on the fallow ground in my soul and for the thirsty world oustide it. But in worse moments, I let the sorrow I feel for the world drown me, push me under, curl me inward, and perpetually furrow my brow. If I am not careful, I can so easily stuff myself with concerns that are simply not mine to indulge...... I become a self-focused, protective person who is closed to the world and ruled by fear, rather than love.
So, as Lent approaches this year I've been considering what things God is asking me to give up in order to enter more fully into His presence. Aside from a few "conventional" things I will be fasting this year, I feel that God is leading me to into something totally new..... reconstructive eye surgery! That's right: I was praying and felt God saying....get Lasik. Just kidding. But I do think He is longing to clear the cobwebs from my eyes, to remove the lenses that keep me from seeing where He is in the midst of the world's pain, and to change me into a person who can find beauty, love, and joy in unexpected places.
So, I hope you will read when you can and help me along this journey, as I try to learn to be present with the world as a child would...to find, despite deep darkness, the joy and light surrounding me...and maybe, in the process, to rise up.
Abby my dear! How honored I am to read your words and to be included in your search for light and joy. What a gift it will be to read what you're learning and what God's teaching you. Thank you. xo
ReplyDeleteWhat a brave thing you are doing! I'm excited to share in this hope-seeing that you are practicing!
ReplyDeleteMy dear sister,
ReplyDeleteI must impress upon you how encouraged I am by this journey upon which you are embarking. What's more, I am honored that you have invited me to share in this journey-- to walk with you, in a sense. Your words and feelings and humble intentions resonate so deeply with where I am-- and where I seem to perpetually be. This step you are taking is not going to be comfortable-- that I know. But I promise to sit with you through the discomfort and confusion as you make your way toward the true beauty and light that you and I both know is there...somewhere. Te adoro, mi hermana.