The Empty Place

Today I participated in a “wimp’s fast”—And lest you think my newly coined term is self-effacing, be assured, I say it with great joy, not shame. A few friends and I committed to fast today in order to remember to pray for someone, and as a very reluctant faster, I chose to simply skip eating from the time I left in the morning, to the time I returned to my apartment in the early evening. Essentially skipping lunch…. :) But with intention.

After a certain period of not eating, there’s a hungry space that becomes tangible. It is that space that reminds me to turn again to God, to lift up my needs and hopes and desires to him—for myself and for others—all of the little weights that, with time, become clearer, heavier, and somehow “ripe” for offering.

That hungry space is akin to what my yoga teacher called the “sweet spot” the other day. She said that in a certain philosophy (I can’t remember what culture), there is a belief in a deep sadness that lies within each of us. It is the kind of sadness we experience when we watch a sunset, or listen to a breathtaking piece of music, or witness some other small miracle. Apparently, it is believed that boredom, loneliness, frustration and the like are signs that we are actually moving closer to that sweet spot of sadness, not further away. We just have to sit with and through those emotions in order to arrive there….rather than covering them up with activity, stimulation, food, and other distractions.

My teacher’s point was that when we are stuck holding an unbearable yoga pose for a long period of time, we are moving closer to that sweet spot (or, as I prefer to call it, the “empty place”). Of course, at the time, as sweat pored down my face and my legs began to shake, I sort of wanted to strangle her with her own metaphor (or at least throw a block at her head)….but now looking back, I actually see her point. How often do I use ANYTHING I can to cover up and bury that feeling of sad joy…..whether it’s food, television, phone calls, facebook, job searching or restless “anywhere but here” daydreaming. And what is underneath all of those layers? What is left when I truly STOP and learn to be quiet, to be with myself, and to be with God?

Over and over again, God implores his people to WAIT. So many verses in the Psalms encourage the soul to wait on the Lord, to be still, to be quiet. Perhaps He really is calling us to spend more time in that “empty place.” To find ways to strip away the layers and be left with.....well....nothing—to truly know our own poverty, so that we might look to the One who feeds us. It is often easier to move, to act, to seek, to fill, to hold, to read, to pray, to GO. But I feel God distinctly calling me, in this season, to stop, to cease, to open, to empty, to release, and to simply BE. And wait. In the empty place…..in the tomb deep within, from which he longs to roll away the stone and show us his light, his face, and the healing power of his resurrection.